I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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