This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
