Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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