I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize