Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
