Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
she woke up with a sticky ear
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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