im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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