it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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