I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
