i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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