The maid of honor just puked.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
