I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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