I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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