I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
