You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I made him laugh his dick is mine
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
