I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
