The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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