I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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