I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
