i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
