the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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