and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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