Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
