just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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