we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
