I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
