i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
