absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
