she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize