and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
