Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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