They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
