she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
