a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
