You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
