Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
We smell like vodka and hangover
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