My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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