Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
