Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
