As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
