She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
