Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize