My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
