I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
