8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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