This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
