i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
