She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
