i think my tv is drunk
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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