my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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