That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
