sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Randomize
