I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
