Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
