when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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