it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
