i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just pynch a tree in the face
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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