Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize