why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
