We're like a lot better than the average bears
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
True strength comes from lack of pants
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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