did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
