I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
