Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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