guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
