The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
