paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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